• the big one, the advice to beat all advice: how to walk out on the street and look a real man.
• 
  

Okay. You want to look macho, right? Here's how you do it. First, it's how you move. Try to get that all-important shoulder twitch. Getting that nice, subtle hint of the hairy back just tickling away, there, under the shirt - essential for the macho man. But not too twitchy, or your cigarette packet will fall out of the pocket in your sleeve.

Now: where to work. I'm afraid macho men do not work in public libraries. (Sorry, all you he-man bookworms.) Though, if you have to, at least stamp the books very hard. And, if possible, carry them around in a brick hod.

Lesson number two: If possible, get a job on a building site, giving full opportunity to wear the two-shirt t-shirt and the baggy hipster jeans, just about to slide down over the hips. So when you bend down, you expose that essential nine inches of the bottom of your back. And of course, that is the perfect place for your gold chain or your 'I Love Mary' tattoo. See? Think original. And, working out of doors does allow you to address passing women with the macho conversation opener: (wolf whistle), and 'Whhhuuut?' - not to be confused with the standard greeting of male friends 'Ooh-whut oo-whut ol' son?'