Saturday, 4 March 2023
Friday, 3 March 2023
They say lightning never strikes twice.
But that's a myth. It doesn't happen often. Lightning usually gets it right the first time.
When you're hit with 30,000 amperes of electricity, you feel it. It can make you forget who you are. It can burn you, blind you, stop your heart and cause massive internal injuries.
But for something that happens in only a millisecond, it can change your life forever.
Lightning doesn’t often strike twice. It’s a once in a lifetime thing.
Even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again.
Eventually the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself. To recover from something you never saw coming.
But, sometimes the odds are in your favor.
If you’re in just the right place at just the right time you can take a hell of a hit.
And still have a shot at surviving.
It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier healthier life.
As children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face.
As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full.
Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint.
It's in these moments, when you just want to get real, to drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self.
Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy.
Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to states of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves.
Instead we just keep smiling - trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were.
Until eventually it hits us, it's been there all along.
Not in our dreams or our hopes
but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.
Psychologists believe that every aspect of our lives, all our thought processes and behavior patterns, are the direct result of our relationship to our parents.
That every relationship that we have is really just another version of that first relationship. It's just us trying over and over again to get it right. It's the most important job in the world.
You probably should need a license to do it, but then most of us wouldn't even pass the written exam.
Some people are naturals. They were born to do it.
Some have other gifts.
But the good news is biology dictates you don't have to do it alone.
You can waste your whole life wondering, but the only way to find out what kind of parent you'd be is to finally stop talking about it and just do it.
It’s hard for us to accept that it’s not always the hard work or attention to detail that will get us the answers we are looking for.
Sometimes we just have to sit back, relax and wait for happy accident.
No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. We’d prefer to know, of course, what curveballs will be thrown our way.
It’s the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day, of life. The people we never expected to show up, the turn of events we never would have chose for ourselves. All of a sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be and it's nice, or it takes some getting used to.
Still, you know you’ll find yourself appreciating it somewhere down the line.
So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing the lists, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones.
There's constant pressure to adapt to changes.
It can be a painful process.
But without it, you'll find yourself moving backwards instead of forwards.
We have to keep reinventing ourselves almost every minute because the world can change in an instant, and there's no time for looking back.
Sometimes the changes are forced on us, sometimes they happen by accident, and we make the most of them.
We have to constantly come up with new ways to fix ourselves.
So we change, we adapt, we create new versions of ourselves.
We just need to be sure that this one is an improvement over the last.
| We assume the really serious changes in our life happen slowly, over time. But it's not true. The big stuff happens in an instant. Becoming an adult. Becoming a parent. Sometimes you don't even know anything's changed. You think you're still you and your life is still your life... but you wake up one day and you look around and you don't recognize anything. Not anything at all. |
constant progress and forward motion.
Stand still for a second, and you'll be left behind.
But as hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it is to never look back, the past always comes back to bite us in the ass.
And as history shows us again and again, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.
Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of.
And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget.
And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.
When we're headed toward an outcome that's too horrible to face, that's when we go looking for a second opinion.
And sometimes, the answer we get just confirms our worst fears.
But sometimes, it can shed new light on the problem, make you see it in a whole new way.
After all the opinions have been heard and every point of view has been considered, you finally find what you're after - the truth.
But the truth isn't where it ends,
that's just where you begin again with a whole new set of questions.
When you get sick, it starts off with a single infection.
One lone nasty intruder. Pretty soon the intruder duplicates. Becomes two. Then those two become four. And those four become eight. Then, before your body knows it, it’s under attack. It’s an invasion.
once the invaders have landed, once they’ve taken over your body, how the hell do you get rid of them? What do you do when the infection hits you, when it takes over? Do you do what you're supposed to and take your medicine? Or do you learn to live with the thing and hope someday it goes away?
Or do you just give up entirely and let it kill you?
Giri
We begin life with few obligations.
We pledge allegiance to the flag.
We swear to return our library books.
But as we get older we take vows, we make promises, we get burden by commitments, to do no harm, to tell the truth and nothing but, to love and cherish till death do us part.
So we just keep running up the tap until we owe everything to everybody and suddenly think … what the.
We take one little oath, and suddenly we’re drowning in obligations.
So we do what any sane person would do.
We run like hell from our promises, hoping they’ll be forgotten.
But sooner or later, they always catch up.
And sometimes you find the obligation you dread the most isn’t worth running from at all.
Paranoia
| Paranoia gives you an edge You know it but there's that voice in your head asking. What if you didn't? What if you could have prevented it? So you check your work one more time Paranoia is best friend. We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are. |
Grief
| The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow. Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much. Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away. There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. |
According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, when we are dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss we all move through five distinct stages of grief.
We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true.
We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves.
Then we bargain. We beg, we plead, we offer everything we have. We offer up our souls in exchange for just one more day.
When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain we fall into depression, despair.
Until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.
we have a hundred classes that teach us how to fight off death and not one lesson on how to go on living.
t at some point you start to realize your life is happening now.
This is it. It’s here. Blink and you’ll miss it.
Did you say it? "I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life." Did you say it?
Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around.
Drink it in, 'cause this is it.
It might all be gone tomorrow.
. A racing heart can indicate anything from a panic disorder to something much, much more serious.
A heart that flutters, or one that skips a beat, could be a sign of secret affliction or it could indicate romance which is the biggest trouble of all.
It seems we have no control what so ever over our own hearts.
Condition can change without warning.
Romance can make the heart pound just like panic can. And panic can make it stop cold in your chest.
keep the heart stable, to keep it slow, steady, regular to stop the heart from pounding out of your chest from the dread of something terrible
or the anticipation of something else entirely.
We enter the world alone and we leave it alone.
And everything that happens in between, we owe it to our self to find a little company.
We need help. We need support. Otherwise we’re in it by ourself. Strangers, cut off from each other and we forget just how connected we all are.
So instead we choose love.
We choose life and for a moment we feel just a little bit less alone.
The ties that binds
The ties that binds us are sometimes impossible to explain.
They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken.
Some bonds defy distance and time and logic;
Because some ties are simply... meant to be.
Battlefield
our terrain.
Where we advance, retreat, try to remove all the landmines...
And just when you think you've won the battle, made the world safe again. Along comes another landmine.
Some wars are never over. Some end in an uneasy truce. Some wars result in complete and total victory. Some wars end with a peace offering.
And some wars end in hope...
But all these wars are nothing compared to the most frightening war of all.
The one you have yet to fight.
We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified.
Maybe the terror is part of the attraction.
Some people go to horror movies. Dive into dark water.
And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather to hear about?
If you've got one drink and one friend and 45 minutes.
Smooth rides make for boring stories.
A little calamity. Now that's worth talking about.
Giving birth may be all intense and magical and stuff, but the act itself is not exactly pleasant.
But it's also a beginning of something incredible, something new, something unpredictable, something true, something worth loving, something worth missing, something that will change your life forever.
We like to think that we are rational beings; humane, conscientious, civilized, thoughtful.
But when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear we are not better than animals.
We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream, but deep down we are still routing around in the primordial ooze; biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the cold, dark world like the rest of the tree-toads and sloths.
There’s a little animal in all of us and maybe that’s something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with.
We may feel caged, we may feel trapped, but still as humans we can find ways to feel free.
We are each other’s keepers, we are the guardians of our own humanity and even though there’s a beast inside all of us, what sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream and love.
And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve.
Hardcore
Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore.
But being hardcore isn't just about being tough - it's about acceptance.
Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once.
You don't have to be tough every minute of every day. It's okay to let down your guard.
In fact, there are moments when it's the best thing you can possibly do - as long as you choose your moments wisely.
I don't know anyone who isn't haunted by something or someone.
And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of a closet- our efforts usually fail.
So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page or put an old story to rest - finally, finally to rest.
The Scottish philosopher, Balfour, said that "Destiny is the scapegoat we make responsible for our crimes".
He was probably right, too.
This philosophy, known as determinism, was best summed up by Doris Day, with the words, "que sera, sera".
Now, I'm not saying she was right,
but if it was between Doris and the Scottish dude, I'd party with her any day.
Truth
The truth is hard. The truth is awkward, and very often, the truth hurts.
I mean, people say they want the truth, but do they really?
The truth is painful. Deep down nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home.
Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to really hear it for ourselves.
And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves.
And sometimes, we tell them, because we owe them at least that much.
Change,
we don’t like it.
We fear it but we can't stop it from coming.
We either adapt to change or we get left behind.
It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying.
But here's the truth: sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same.
And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good.
Sometimes change is everything.
At some point, maybe we accept the dream has become a nightmare.
We tell ourselves that reality is better. We convince ourselves it's better that we never dream at all.
But, the strongest of us, the most determined of us, we hold on to the dream or we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We wake to find ourselves, against all odds, feeling hopeful.
And if we're lucky, we realize in the face of everything, in the face of life, the true dream is being able to dream at all.
Thursday, 2 March 2023
Desire
Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have.
Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out.
Desire can wreck your life.
But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want.
History
We can ignore it all we want, but our history eventually always comes back to haunt us.
Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing.
At some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new?
It's hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us... what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time.
So we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we’re making today.
Plans
even with the best plans complications can arise, things can go wrong.
And suddenly, you're caught with your pants down.
The thing about plans is they don't take into account the unexpected, so when we're thrown a curve ball, we have to improvise.
Of course, some of us are better at it than others.
Some of us just have to move on to plan B and make the best of it.
And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need.
But sometimes, sometimes what we need is a new plan.
Miracles
There are miracles.
Being worshippers of the altar of science, we don't like to believe miracles exist.
But they do.
Things happen.
We can't explain them, we can't control them, but they do happen.
Miracles do happen
They happen everyday, just not always when we need them to happen.
At the end of a day like this, a day when so many prayers are answered and so many aren’t, we take our miracles where we find them.
We reach across the gap and sometimes, against all odds, against all logic, we touch.
we live in a world of worse case scenarios
We cut ourselves off from hoping for the best because too many times the best doesn’t happen.
But every now and then something extraordinary occurs and suddenly best case scenarios seem possible.
And every now and then something amazing happens, and against our better judgment we start to have hope.
But, inevitably, there are times when you find yourself in the worst case scenario.
When the worst case scenario comes true, and clinging to hope is all we've got left.
Great Expectations
No one believes that their life will turn out just kind of okay.
We all think we are going to be great.
we are filled with expectation. Expectations of the trails we will blaze, the people we will help, the difference we will make. Great expectations of who we will be, where we will go.
And then we get there.
We all think we're going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met.
But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected.
You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady.
Standing. Still.
The expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.
We keep secrets, we have to, but not all secrets can be kept.
In some ways, betrayal is inevitable.
When we betray each other, the path to recovery is less clear. We do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust that was lostt
And then there are some wounds, some betrayals that are so deep, so profound that there is no way to repair what was lost.
And when that happens, there's nothing left to do but wait.
Wounds
Not all wounds are superficial.
Most wounds run deeper than you can imagine. You can't see them with the naked eye.
And then there are the wounds that take us by surprise.
The trick with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find the real source of the injury
- and once you've found it, try like hell to heal that sucker.
Commitment
There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp.
Commitments are complicated.
We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make.
True commitment takes effort and sacrifice.
Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way to choose our commitments very carefully.
Fantasy
Most of our fantasies dissolve when we wake, banished to the back of our mind, but sometimes we're sure if we try hard enough, we can live the dream.
That fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good, and twice as much pleasure is better.
That pain is bad, and no pain is better.
But the reality is different.
The reality is that pain is there to tell us something, and there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache.
And maybe that's okay.
Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.
At any given moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour.
We don’t have control over most of them.
When we get a chill: goose bumps. When we get excited: adrenaline. The body naturally follows its impulses, which I think is part of what makes it so hard for us to control ours.
Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control, that we later wish we had.
The body is a slave to its impulses.
But the thing that makes us human is what we can control.
After the storm, after the rush, after the heat of the moment has passed, we can cool off and clean up the messes we made. We can try to let go of what was.
Then again…
Human beings need a lot to feel alive.
Family. Love. Sex.
But we only need one thing to actually be alive.
We need a beating heart.
When our heart is threatened, we respond in one of two ways. We either run or we attack.
There's a scientific term for this. Fight... or flight.
It's instinct. We can't control it.
Or can we?
Damage
We all go through life like bulls in a china shop.
A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves, to other people.
The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we've done, or that's been done to us.
Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage. And sometimes the damage is something we can't even see.
We're all damaged, it seems.
Some of us, more than others.
We carry the damage with us from childhood, then as grownups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we all do damage.
And then, we set about the business of fixing whatever we can.
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