Prince Vassago

Vassago, in demonology, is a mighty Prince of Hell, ruling over twenty-six legions of demons. He can be persuaded to tell the magician of events past and future, can discover hidden and lost things, and has a "good" nature.

The Third Spirit is a Mighty Prince, being of the same nature as Agares. He is called Vassago. This Spirit is of a Good Nature, and his office is to declare things Past and to Come, and to discover all things Hid or Lost. And he governeth 26 Legions of Spirits, and this is his Seal.

Vassago has sometimes been called a Prince of Prophecy.

The demons of The Goetia, with their assigned ranks

1. King Bael
2. Duke Agares
3. Prince Vassago
4. Marquis Samigina
5. President Marbas
6. Duke Valefor
7. Duke Amon
8. Duke Barbatos
9. King Paimon
10. President Buer
11. Duke Gusion
12. Prince Sitri
13. King Beleth
14. Marquis Leraje
15. Duke Eligos
16. Duke Zepar
17. Count/President Botis
18. Duke Bathin
19. Duke Sallos
20. King Purson
21. Count/President Marax
22. Count/Prince Ipos
23. Duke Aim
24. Marquis Naberius
25. Count/President Glasya-Labolas
26. Duke Buné
27. Marquis/Count Ronové
28. Duke Berith
29. Duke Astaroth
30. Marquis Forneus
31. President Foras
32. King Asmoday
33. Prince/President Gäap
34. Count Furfur
35. Marquis Marchosias
36. Prince Stolas
37. Marquis Phenex
38. Count Halphas
39. President Malphas
40. Count Räum
41. Duke Focalor
42. Duke Vepar
43. Marquis Sabnock
44. Marquis Shax
45. King/Count Viné
46. Count Bifrons
47. Duke Vual
48. President Häagenti
49. Duke Crocell
50. Knight Furcas
51. King Balam
52. Duke Alloces
53. President Caim
54. Duke/Count Murmur
55. Prince Orobas
56. Duke Gremory
57. President Ose
58. President Amy
59. Marquis Orias
60. Duke Vapula
61. King/President Zagan
62. President Valac
63. Marquis Andras
64. Duke Haures
65. Marquis Andrealphus
66. Marquis Cimeies
67. Duke Amdusias
68. King Belial
69. Marquis Decarabia
70. Prince Seere
71. Duke Dantalion
72. Count Andromalius

the Goetia

The Goetia (pronounced Go-EY-sha) is Book 1 of the Lemegeton - The Lesser Key of Solomon. It is a grimoire that circulated in the 17th century allegedly written by King Solomon.

It defines sorcery as a practice which includes the invocation of angels or the evocation of demons.

The book contains descriptions of the seventy-two demons that King Solomon is said to have evoked.

A revised English edition of the Ars Goetia was published in 1904 Aleister Crowley, based on manuscripts from the British Museum. Additions by Crowley include a Preliminary Invocation, and the essay The Initiated Interpretation of Ceremonial Magic. It is not a faithful edition of the source manuscripts but rather a "cleaned up" edition for modern use. It includes some evocations in Enochian written by Crowley.

Demons of The Goetia

Bael
Agares
Vassago
Samigina
Marbas
Valefor
Amon
Barbatos
Paimon
Buer
Gusion
Sitri
Beleth
Leraje
Eligos
Zepar
Botis
Bathin
Sallos
Purson
Marax
Ipos
Aim
Naberius
Glasya-Labolas
Bune
Ronove
Berith
Astaroth
Forneus
Foras
Asmoday
Gaap
Furfur
Marchosias
Stolas
Phenex
Halphas
Malphas
Raum
Focalor
Vepar
Sabnock
Shax
Vine
Bifrons
Uvall
Haagenti
Crocell
Furcas
Balam
Alloces
Camio
Murmur
Orobas
Gremory
Ose
Amy
Oriax
Vapula
Zagan
Volac
Andras
Haures
Andrealphus
Cimejes
Amdusias
Belial
Decarabia
Seere
Dantalion
Andromalius

Believe and receive

Matthew 21-21

Jesus said "I tell you the truth, if you have faith, and do not doubt, you can say to the mountains `Go throw yourself in the sea' and it will be done."

(he also kills a fig tree, but that's not as impressive)

"If you believe, you will recieve whatever you ask for in prayer."

The message is quite simple here - "Believe and receive. Doubt and do without."

Barrabas

There's a theory that Barrabas was a freedom fighter, that he led the 33 AD version of the PLO.

So when Pilate brought him before the crowd as the alternate for the crucifixion, he was going to be popular. Theory is that Barrabas and Judas knew each other. Barrabas suggested to Judas that he convince JC to use his powers to get the Romans out of Judea, all fired up by stories of Moses and the plagues in Egypt, Sodom and Gomorrah, that sort of thing.

Judas assured him that JC was doing his "Prince Of Peace" bit and wouldn't use his powers that way. So they hatched the plot so, when Barrabas was inevitably captured, Judas would betray JC so they ended up in jail together. The Barrabas could convince Jesus to get them both out and wipe out the Romans.

As it turned out, Barrabas got freed, JC got the cross, and Judas got hanged.

Recognising Jesus

Would people who had seen Jesus, those not in on the Brian switch scam, recognise him on the cross as not being JC?

It's likely that Brian was related to JC, a cousin or even a brother. Also his face would have been a bit mangled from his beating by the guards. And he crown of thorns meant that his face would be covered in blood. Making him unrecognisable.

Demons of The Goetia

Demons of The Goetia

Bael
Agares
Vassago
Samigina
Marbas
Valefor
Amon
Barbatos
Paimon
Buer
Gusion
Sitri
Beleth
Leraje
Eligos
Zepar
Botis
Bathin
Sallos
Purson
Marax
Ipos
Aim
Naberius
Glasya-Labolas
Bune
Ronove
Berith
Astaroth
Forneus
Foras
Asmoday
Gaap
Furfur
Marchosias
Stolas
Phenex
Halphas
Malphas
Raum
Focalor
Vepar
Sabnock
Shax
Vine
Bifrons
Uvall
Haagenti
Crocell
Furcas
Balam
Alloces
Camio
Murmur
Orobas
Gremory
Ose
Amy
Oriax
Vapula
Zagan
Volac
Andras
Haures
Andrealphus
Cimejes
Amdusias
Belial
Decarabia
Seere
Dantalion
Andromalius

Sex and the Saviour

In Genesis 19 God nukes Sodom and Gomorrah.

The only person He saves are Lot and his two daughters. Even Lot's wife gets the pillar of salt for looking back when she was told not to. That's how strict Big G was back in those days.

The reason He nuked Sodom was because they were all into sodomy. Buggery. A town full of homos. Counter productive to the point of sex - "men giving up their natural relations with women and lusting after each other" to quote the Good Book. They would all have died out in a generation anyway, so why not wipe them out in one go and make a point of it?

So what did Lot, this righteous man, the only man saved from Sodom, do next? He got drunk and got both his daughters pregnant. The sons/brothers that these girls gave birth to went on to found a tribe each - the tribes of Moabites and Ammonites. How did these tribes get founded? By shagging their own sisters, then cousins, the same way as monkeys do.

God seemed to encourage incest and inbreeding in those days, just as long as nobody was gay.

Sex is sacred, sex is magic.

How were YOU created?

Matthew 19-19

"Honour your father and mother and love your neighbour as yourself."

Love your neighbour means shag the girl or boy next door.
Love yourself is masturbation.

Wouldn't the world be a much better place if we were all fucking instead of fighting?

Make love not war.

Judas

Judas is supposed to have hung himself after having a major guilt trip.

It's actually quite hard to hang yourself from a tree. Also, whichever version of the story you believe, what would his motive be? He was only doing what he was supposed to do.

Judas was hung by Peter and the boys as he was the only one who could tell the story of the Brian switch.

Dexter

Dexter ended this week.

This is the end of series 2, which has very much veered away from the books.

There are three books (so far) in the series:

Darkly Dreaming Dexter
Dearly Devoted Dexter
Dexter In The Dark.

The end of S2 sees the death of Dex's nemesis Sgt Doakes. In the books, Doakes is captured by a serial killer and rescued in the nick of time - but not before losing his hands, feet and tongue. He makes an appearance in book 3, turning up with metal hands and feet, and unable to talk properly. Dex refers to it as "the sudden re-appearance of 65% of Sgt Doakes".

Book 3 tells us more about the true, perhaps supernatural, origins of The Dark Passenger, as Dex meets his most fearsome opponent yet.

There is also a great subplot involving the children Cody and Astor, who are like Dexter. A chance for Dex to pass on Harry's code to the next generation.

Perhaps both these plots will be examined in series 3.

Skins

Skins ended this week.

It didn't exactly go out with a bang. Effie was in it, but it wasn't about her, it was a dislocated episode regarding one of the cast, in another town (Cook if you're interested). Would have been far better to have rounded the series up with the whole cast at home in Bristol, with some kind of party and a big climax.

Well, hope they all come back and make Skins 4 just as good. Still the coolest program C4 have ever done.

The Crucifixion

It's pretty obvious Jesus wasn't on the cross.

What would be the point of getting himself banged up (the origin of the expression, by the way) when he would have plenty of volunteers to die in his place?

So the Romans turn up to arrest Him. They don't know what He looks like - there's at least a dozen Jews there with big noses and beards, so they all look pretty much the same to the Romans. So Judas has been paid to identify Him. What nobody knows is that Judas has been told by JC to identify a ringer - let's call him Brian (as in Life Of).

So Brian is taken off to be whipped, stripped and crucified.

Jesus was at the crucifixion alright - he was in the crowd watching.

Depending on which version of the Gospel you read, Brian is meant to have shouted various things to the people in the front row or next to him. He might have spoken to Mary and John, he might have spoken to Dismas, he might have quoted some lines from the Psalms or Isiah.
But the only thing he cried out loud that was heard by everyone was
"My Lord, Why have you forsaken me?!"

This is not JC calling out to God - it's Brian calling to Jesus.

If Jesus, the Son of God, was really on the cross and His Father was waiting to take Him, He wouldn't have called out about being forsaken.

Jesus and Mary went off to start a new life in France. And who can blame them?

Christians vs booze

It makes me laugh when "Christians" get all anti-drinking, when Jesus and His mates got drunk all the time. Creating wine for a party was both the first and the last miracle He performed.

Cheers, JC.

The Last Supper

Jesus had one cup of wine at the party, The Holy Grail from which he gave wine to all the guests - the 12 apostles.

We know how good JC was at replicating party fare - the feeding of the 5,000 tells us this. So it would have been easy for Him to get a dozen or so blokes drunk on one glass of wine.

(The loaf of bread probably went a lot further than we're led to believe as well.)

Jesus and booze

The first miracle in the Gospel was Jesus turning water into wine at the wedding.

The party ran out of booze so JC turned the water into wine so they could carry on getting pissed.

Shameless

Franks opening monolgue is a poem:

Tickets this way to the Chatsworth Express!
Come and watch pikeys making a mess,

Of the lives they were given by Him upstairs!
And kids, they're convinced, aren't actually theirs...


What sounds on earth could EVER replace,
Kids needing money? Or wives in yer face...

'Cause this, people reckon - and me included -
Is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented

To calm us all down and stop us going mental!
These are Chatsworth estate's BASIC essentials!


We're worth every penny for grinding your axes...
You shit on our heads, but, you pay the taxes!

Imagine Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers,
Who'll cum on your face for the price of a beer...


Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now!
Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now!

The Big Bang

God said "Let there be light" and there was light.

Everything started at thespeed of light, nothing can ever travel any faster. The first particles were photons, everything else comes from there.

Evolution

People have always debated God vs Evolution. Creationism vs Darwinism. Most of them haven't read The Bible properly and almost none have read Darwin's book Origin Of The Species.

Literalist Christians are now trying to tell us that evolution didn't happen, that things are exactly like the say in the Bible, that God literally made the world and put everything here.

Of course if that were true we wouldn't ahve sex and birth. We woudn't grow from a single cell. What God did was create DNA. Wilson and Crick, when they discovered DNA (for which they won the Nobel Prize) believed they could see God's hand in the design of DNA.

So it is with evolution. God may have created Life, but He created it so it would mutate and evolve.

Genesis 1:24 says "And God said `Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds'."

God didn't create the various forms of Life. He let the land produce it's own creatures, all the variations are down to evolution.

"According to it's kind" the book tells us. "It's kind" is DNA.

"Sympathy For The Devil"

"Sympathy For The Devil" was originally by The Stones. A version by Guns N Roses appears at the end of the film Interview With The Vampire.

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersberg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the Blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
What's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the Gods they made

I shouted out
"Who killed the Kennedys?"
When after all
It was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadors
Who get killed before they reached Bombay

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um baby, get down

Iron Maiden - Stranger

Stranger in a strange land

Was many years ago that I left home and came this way
I was a young man full of hopes and dreams
But now it seems that all is lost and nothing gained
Sometimes things aint what they seem
No brave new world no brave new world

Night and day I scan horizon sea and sky
My spirit wanders endlessly
Until the day will dawn and friends from home discover why
Hear me calling rescue me
Set me free, set me free
Lost in this place and leave no trace

Stranger in a strange land
Land of ice and snow
Trapped inside this prison
Lost and far from home

One hundred years have gone and men again they come that way
To find the answer to the mistery
They found his body lying where if fell that day
Preserved in time for all to see
No brave new world no brave new world
Lost in this place to leave no trace

What became off men that started
All are gone and souls departed
Left me here in this prison
So all alone

The Doors - Strange

People are strange

People are strange when youre a stranger
Faces look ugly when youre alone
Women seem wicked when youre unwanted
Streets are uneven when youre down

When youre strange
Faces come out of the rain
When youre strange
No one remembers your name
When youre strange

Charmed

The theme song for the opening credits of Charmed is "How Soon Is Now?" by Love Spit Love. It was originally a Smiths song, written by Morrisey. It also featured in the film "The Craft". Tatu also did a version of the song on their debut album.

Many people think the first line is "I am the sun and the air", very elemental and witchy.

The line is actually "I am the son and the heir".

I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I am the son and the heir
Of nothing in particular

There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you

So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry
And you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen "now"
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?

I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

Star Trek

Those wanting to know what happens after the films end - what happens after ST Nemesis would do well to check out the Titan books.

Riker is now Captain of the Titan, the first of the Luna class of Star ships. Following the Dominian wars, Star Fleet is returning to it's original mission of peaceful exploration - "to explore strange new worlds, to see out new life and new civilisations."

The Luna craft are all named after moons in the solar system - Titan, Triton, Io, Ganymede, etc.

See if any of these stories get filmed (hopefully not with Riker!)

Star Trek

So what rank is O Brien anyway?

We always thought he was called "Chief" because his rank was Chief Petty Officer. Or because he was Transporter Chief. But he has officers working for him on DS9, so he must be higher than an Ensign at least. Perhaps his name "Chief" is honorific, the same way as Odo is called "Constable".

Also, in the TNG pilot he is sitting at Ops, where Data usually sits and Picard calls him either "Colm" or "Column". As "Column" makes no sense at all, perhaps he was calling him "Colm" as in "Colm Meaney", the name of the actor that plays him.

Deliberate or a continuity error?

Sarah Jessica Parker

We see she has yet another perfume out and a new TV advertising campaign.

Why call it "Lovely"? She looks about as sexy and alluring as Camilla Parker Bowles!

We will admit she did look OK in her early days, a good example being the Nic Cage film Married In Vegas. But she hasn't aged well.

Personally we never got the point of the whole Sex And The City thing. Four over the hill slappers trying to convince themselves they're still attractive. The demographic, of course, is women who watch it alone at home then meet up at work the next day and talk about it "it's just like our lives".

Films based on Shakespeare plays

10 Things I hate about you - Taming of the Shrew

She's the man - The Twelfth Night

O - Othello

Scotland PA - McBeth

West Side Story - Romeo and Juliet

Forbidden Planet - The Tempest

Shakespeare plays

Tragedies

Antony and Cleopatra
Coriolanus
Hamlet
Julius Caesar
King Lear
Macbeth
Othello
Romeo and Juliet
Timon of Athens
Titus Andronicus

Histories

Henry IV, Part I
Henry IV, Part II
Henry V
Henry VI, Part I
Henry VI, Part II
Henry VI, Part III
Henry VIII
King John
Richard II
Richard III

Comedies

All's Well That Ends Well
As You Like It
The Comedy of Errors
Cymbeline
Love's Labours Lost
Measure for Measure
The Merry Wives of Windsor
The Merchant of Venice
A Midsummer Night's Dream
Much Ado About Nothing
Pericles, Prince of Tyre
The Taming of the Shrew
The Tempest
Troilus and Cressida
Twelfth Night
Two Gentlemen of Verona
The Winter's Tale

Aliens

THEORY

We are the aliens.

You know how Britain used to send it's criminals to Australia, a distant island, and how that country is founded by convicts.

Well the civilised societies of the Galaxy found a little island right on the outer rim and sent them all here. We are the descendents of the insane troublemakers of the civilised galaxy.

The Rules of Fight Club

1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB.

2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.

3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the fight is over.

4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight.

5th RULE: One fight at a time.

6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes.

7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to.

8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

U2 and Christ

Bono went through a period where he used the third verse of a song to make a religious decleration.

The third verse of When Love Comes To Town:

I was there when they crucified my Lord
I held the scabbard when the soldier drew his sword
I threw the dice when they pierced his side
But I've seen love conquer the great divide


the third verse of Love Rescue Me parodies The 23rd Psalm:

Yea, though I walk
In the valley of shadow
Yea, I will fear no evil
I have cursed thy rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me


while the third verse of Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For is the most confrontational of all:

You broke the bonds
And you loosened the chains
Carried the cross
Of all my shame
all my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Relativity

Here's something to think about.

You're driving down the motorway, London to Bristol on the M4. You see a sign saying "Bristol 70 miles". You are travelling at 70 mph, so you are one hour away.

In a little while the traffic gets heavier and you slow down to 30 mph. Then you see a sign saying "Bristol 30 miles". You are travelling at 30 mph, so you are one hour away.

Have you actually got any closer?

William Gibson

William Gibson wrote three cyberpunk novels in the 80s: Neuromancer, Count Zero and Mona Lisa Overdrive. He also wrote a collection of short stories called Burning Chrome, which contains Johnny Mnemonic, which was made into a film starring Keanu Reeves.

Gibson was the first to concieve of The Matrix - he actually coined the term - and also the internet. In his Matrix you don't plug in and appear inside as you do in the films, you sit at your console with a headset and navigate that way. But it's eeriy good how accurate his predictions were, considering he made them back in the early 80s.

Bruce Sterling, who co-wrote one of the short stories and later the novel Difference Engine with Gibson, wrote the preface.

He says: "if poets are the unacknowledged legislaters of the world, sf writers are it's court jesters. We are Wise Fools who can leap, caper, utter prophecies, and scratch ourselves in public. We can play with Big Ideas because the garish motley of our pulp origins makes us seem harmless."

If you haven't read these books we recommend you read them. If you have, we recommend you re-read them.

Bon Jovi

We've been reading up on early Bon Jovi.

(Still waiting for Jon's autobiography to be written and published.)

(For those of a similar interest we'd recommend the Motley Crue books - "The Dirt", Nikki's "Heroin Diaries" and "Tommyland".)

Jon's first band was called "The Wild Ones", which he set up with David Bryan (back when he was David Rashbaum) when they were at High School together.

Jon later met Richie at an Aerosmith gig. Richie was fronting his own band, singing as well as playing lead. Jon basically poached him for the band that was to become Bon Jovi, which was quickly signed.

What we didn't know was that Alec Jon Sucks (and he did) and Tico Torres were session musicians. One was hired by the record company, who recommended the other (not sure which way round it was, nor does it really matter). It was Doc Maghee's idea to promote Jon, more or less as a solo star with a backing band. This is where "Bon Jovi" came from (Jon's surname is actually Bongiovi), both as the band name and name of the album. It's the reason why Jon stands alone on the cover, with that woman in the background, and the rest of the band are on the "back page".

We also found out that Jon originally wanted to be an actor (he's still trying!) and tried out for Kevin Bacon's role in Footloose. We can only imagine how that would have turned out!

Much has been said about Such's departure from the band. The gentlest story was that he was getting older and had enough of the stadium touring life. He was replaced by session bassist Hugh Macdonald, who is rarely photographed with the band, and who's picture never appears on the albums with them.

Jon was asked about Such in a TV interview once. He simply said "I don't talk to him anymore. But I do think about him sometimes."

UFOs

People like to debate about whether UFOs are aliens.

What exactly is a UFO? An Unidentified Flying Object. A Flying Object that we can't identify. That doesn't mean it's an alien ship.

Think about it.
Alien technology that can cross the galaxies would be pretty advanced. Whether they use warp drive, wormholes, folded space or, as is more likely, some technology so advanced we can't yet concieve it, it's going to be very advanced!

As the aliens obviously don't want us to know they are here - they haven't announced themselves after all - they would fly around in crafts that are cloaked, camoflagued, or just plain invisible. We already have stealth aircraft here on Earth with our clunky technology that can't get us past the moon (if we ever really went there...).
You can bet the aliens won't be flying around during the day in ships we can see.

The same goes for these people who claim to be abducted and then put back.

Why would the aliens put them back? And if they were really doing this, why not just keep the abductees sedated, or use a drug or some other method (the "flashy thingy" from Men In Black springs to mind) to wipe the abductees memories?

We're not saying there aren't aliens and they aren't visiting. We're not ruling out the possibiliy completely. Open minds and all that. But UFO sightings and alien abductions seem highly unlikely. Real aliens would be far more discreet. The fact that some people "know" they are here is more indicative that they are not.

(P.S. we always thought Men In Black was closer to the truth than X Files.)